POM and his wife and another couple are going to NYC this weekend for some fun and time away from their kids. Seems they can only stay away one night since the kids are younger. He says he hopes they go off in separate groups, the wives one way the men another. Seems the wife is "different" since they have had kids. He wasn't complaining so much as stating a fact. I don't get it myself. Sure you have to be responsible and act appropriately in front of the kids but when away...why? I told him if I was there I would be off with the men. I refuse to change who I am for anything. Yes my kids come first and their care and welfare are paramount to me but I am still myself.
I am not saying, "let's get drunk and be fools", although that can be fun when you are where no one knows your name, but loosen up and relax. Of course we each loosen up in our own ways and yes some of my interests have changed over the years but the basic me is the same.
Now of course there are changes that are positive, addictions and such are worth correcting. I am trying to lose the extra weight I have gained over the years and I would like to be more patient, but the me inside is mostly the same. Perhaps I am rambling a bit now but what I am trying to say, stay who you are.
This blog has taken a direction I was not expecting at all.... love it really. Love getting out what is in my head (and I didn't even have to rhyme). Can't wait to hear about my therapists NYC adventures. Should be a laugh for our next session and I must admit it does make the pain he inflicts at more bearable.
My next adventure is next weekend. I am flying out to Indianapolis to visit a girlfriend for the weekend. There will be no kids or husbands. Relaxing and "being ourselves" are the only things on the menu. A few martinis too I would imagine and I for one can not wait. Not sure there will be pictures I can post but I am sure there will be blog material.
So my question for you out there, woman and men, how have you changed since your children were born? Have you changed, have your interests changed?
32 Comments and Reactions:
I don't think I've changed really all that much personally. I don't do as much as I used to, but I still like to do the same things.
Mrs Ryan says I've changed, but if I have it's not because of the kids...
I can't comment on changing after having kids for I'm still a bachelor. But the two days a week hitting the gym sure is a good idea. And for that knee of yours, it should be doing wonders if you can follow it through religiously.
By the way, I've got a short story posted in one of my blogs. Please follow the link if you'd like to take a look at it - http://jstgibberish.blogspot.com/2009/10/encounter-short-story.html
I don't think I've changed much since I have had kids. I mean, I have changed a lot AND none at all. Which makes no sense at all. But you can't have kids and not change.
Anyway, I was married at 21 so I feel like both my husband and I have changed A LOT since then. Some good, some bad.
I think we grew up a lot in our twenties.
What makes me sad is that your trainer wants to get away from his wife on their getaway. I think it's too bad, really.
I think every changes a little after having kids. Your priorities are different and there are a lot more serious issues to deal with. I'm hoping my husband wouldn't say he would rather take off with the guys, but you just never know ;-)
I think I have totally changed over the years. I use to go out and drink all the time, now I barely ever drink. I don't go on spontaneous trips anymore. I've become more settled,I think the economy has changed me.
I used to be much more of a selfish person.I think way more about other people now than about myself.
I'm also a lot more serious now than I used to be before kids.
My personality hasn't changed, but I do find that I don't have enough time for friends. When we do get together, it doesn't matter what we do because it is my time to just be me...not mommy or wife. And that feeds the soul!
This is something that I have wondered a lot about today,...if 50 is the new 30, then I shouldn't be here!
Sorry, I'm ill and delirious and just generally rambling, pretending that I know what is going on!
No, I've not changed...just other things have! Well, that is my theory!
i do love a good question at the end of a post!
hmmm - how have i changed. i would say for the better. i am more patient, loving, caring, and altruistic than ever before.
but i refuse to grow up and act my age. i am and will always be that insanely confident 12 year old girl, and that's ok b/c i like her very much!
Have I changed? YES! I think truly life circumstances have changed me...Im way more cynical than I used to be, less trusting...hay, wait a minute, Im starting to sound like that grumpy old men movie...mmmmmmaybe its just an age thing? lol
I have changed drastically, but not because I wanted to. Life and responsibilities take over and you have to change.
Now if she has little (really) little kids it is hard to shift gears. I had a really hard time with this when our kids were really little. We had a rule - no touching the first night and trips must be two nights. I didn't want that stress and at the time it was stress. I needed sleep and time to refocus and become a wife. The second night it was fun loosen up time...
It gets easier as the kids get older. Our youngest is four and I am now able to figure out who I am again outside of a mom. That is why I started my blog in the first place.
i have changed into someone who needs to believe in, and can't help but believe in, something bigger and more benevolent than myself.
but hubby and i rarely split into gender-designated groups, we find couples who are similar to us and that feels most comfortable.
have a good time with your friend!
I am much less selfish with time now...and I prioritize invites to things. I used to attend things about 5 nights a week. I prefer not to now.
And having a child was a fundamental opportunity for me to always consider my approach to life and leadership in front of this absorbent little sponge.
I don't think I've changed because of having a kid, I changed in spite of it. But not drastically, and not in a bad way...just a little more aware of my actions and surroundings and the people in those surroundings, because now I have, like JennyMac said, an absorbent little sponge to worry about. ;)
That being said, if hubby and I were to go off on a weekend getaway with friends, while the typical trend is for the women to migrate one direction and the guys migrate another direction, that only happens when we're at parties, not on a getaway. On a getaway, we stick together - and enjoy the time away from the little one to play some catch up on our husband-wife time vs. mommy-daddy. :)
Had to laugh about your "physical Terrorists" - my darling hubby works in rehab and they are referred to (LOL here in Canada) as "physioterrorists" ok close enough. I was ever so pleased to see you on the recumbant bike - I am looking for one for my wonky knee - sighs.
Ahhh I won't go into vast details but I have changed a lot over the years - a tiny bit after child. A few years later during crisis and now settled into another stage. I believe we all change as we grow with life experiences whether its having children or just life itself.
I think I have changed for the better. I was quite selfish and ferociously independant before marriage and kids. (this is part because I am an only child).
Me and Hubby used to eat out more and go to movies and socialise more but now we just eat in, watch movies at home and socialise in the home or other peoples home.
I am not afraid to leave my kids to have a break. They go to their Grandparents and me and hubby have couple time.
I think you need to have time to yourself and time as a couple as well as time as a family - its all about balance.
What was the question again?? LOL
I have to say one of the hardest things for me about living away from friends and family is no girlfriends. You know the ones you have in your 20's and then you continue to be able to 'be yourself' with them after you all have kids.
I have less than a handful of girl friends here in AZ and have yet to feel like I can be completely myself with them like my oldest friends back home who have known me since my foolish 20's, it doesn't help that my husband doesn't like to have fun in the same way that I do
I can't directly answer your question, as I have no children, but what I have noticed is a distinct, subtle difference between adults who do have children and adults who don't--and this seems to become more apparent as people get into middle age. It's hard to describe--maybe a consciousness that what you do may have a profound impact on someone else...I'm not sure.
Great questions. I don't have children so I can't answer this question at this moment.
I stopped by from SITS and saw that you're also a NE Blogger!
Have a great trip with your girlfriend!
I cook more. I grocery shop more. And I think I'm more patient, though I'm sure my husband would disagree.
Great blog!!!! 1st time visiting!!!
I don't think I've changed much since I had my daughter. We still like to have fun! I guess you could say we eat dinner more often!! Thank goodness hubby does most of the cooking!
Since becoming a mom
-I can carry more stuff
-i have to keep deoderant in the glove box of the car, because I can't seem to get myself together in the morning
-I worry about dying and I never did before
-I realize that life is short and wonderful and should be enjoyed
-my house is never in order
-i can only think of two good uses for an iron - doorstop & weapon should we have an intruder
-William and I have come up with about 1,001 ways to stay in tune with each other due to the frequent interuptions of our attempted make-out sessions
-i never really had the 'wish I could someone how inherit, win, find, get a ton of money' desires before I had kids and thought their future education and future needs
and other than the three humans who have taken control of my mind I think I'm the same as I ever was!
Good question!
I am not married, do not have children. But I think I will have to change once I have children! Otherwise I will roally mess them up.
Seriously, I don't know, but I would guess it has to do with priority changes.
I don't have children but if I had I 'm sure I would change a lot things in my life and children would be my first priority.
Thanks for stopping by , I'm sorry I didn't get you by saying ...confused.What?
Would you please explain that.
Thank you so much.
xxx
I'm about 50-50 on the change deal. I sometimes feel like I haven't changed a lick, but then I start thinking back. I think I'm steadier, stronger, more loving since having kids, but I still have my "wild" moments. Good luck on the rehab. Mr. Fairway still is in a world of hurt, but looks like the new knee was a good idea!
I really haven't changed that much. I mean, I'm more responsible now but other than that, I'm still a complete weirdo.
I have changed HUGELY. Some bad, some good. I unfortunately did not have the best of experiences growing up, so it has change how I am A LOT!
Anyway, I left you an award on my site!
hhmmmm i think i have changed for the better...i suppose you could call it more growing and maturing than anything else, but yes, despite the 'changes' i have stayed true to myself....and i love it :)
Of course I've changed, for the better too. People forget there is such as thing as "adult development." Everyone changes, it's how you change that's important.
I'm with you on not becoming a wet dish rag though. Everyone needs to have some fun.
But then maybe the husband isn't doing his fair share and the wife is just so worn out from the kids and doing everything that she doesn't have the energy to have fun?
You have to be appropriate in front of the kids? CRAP! We figure if our clothes are still on, they won't be too traumatized. LOL.
I have changed as a person, just because that's the natural way of things, but Hubby and I were always homebodies who prefer soda and soy milk over booze and snuggling on the couch over going out-so the kids themselves really didn't change us or our habits.
Relationship wise, Hubby and I have the same relationship we had before kids-probably even better. We still talk for hours a day, and we still can't keep our hands off each other, so neither one of us has anything to complain over =)
This was a very interesting post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Wow these are all good comments.
I think its always fairly easy to tell when a woman has a kid(s). They always just seem a little different, hard to explain an exact clue but they just typically have something about them that clues us in often. Maybe the extra weight, maybe the tired eyes? Not saying anything is wrong with it, just saying their are usually clues.
My best friend just had her first and I can't sat she's changed at all... yet. But then I suppose she's still in crisis newborn mode.
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