Why Do Woman Change? Part 2

I love the comments I have received following my last blog. Most of the changes people mentioned were things I hadn't considered. Of course we all change and mature over our lives, good and bad, and hopefully the people in our lives come along. But...and there always is one, it seems to me that I have talked to countless men who say their wives changes are not for the better. They "forget" about the fun they had in their lives before they had children. Some of these men are being selfish of course, and some I think exagerate. A lot fuss that their wives have no interest in sex after the babies are born, and I don't mean immediately after but  years after. I think if men knew half of how their wives felt about sex they would be surprised, communication is key but not always successful. This is probably best a seperate blog... lol  We all whine about our spouses at one time or another, me being no exception and mine was great about diapers and all those baby chores. He still is, cooking and cleaning and doing the "man" things, I have been lucky.

I have never had the luxury of being a SAHM. Luxury you laugh I am sure, but for some one who works full time [and always has] and still has the wife and mother chores [ok I probably have less than others] staying home sounds wonderful. I would expect to do more of the household chores if I didn't work, or worked less but that has not been my fate and luckily have a successful job and a family that works together, for the most part...again perhaps a seperate blog. [writes down for future topics]

Have I changed since having kids, of course I have, but as my kids have gotten older and more self sufficient I am taking back some of the focus. If you have been reading my blog for any time you can see my daughters and I do a lot of things together. We enjoy each others company. It is great to have children that don't mind being seen with me.. it makes me proud in fact.

But....yep another. I also relish my own time and interests as well. No I don't go out "partying" like I used too [and don't necessarily want to] and things have to be planned more, but I will not give up on myself. Some may call that selfish I call it required nurturing. What is good for one person may not be for another, or necessary, I have no problem with that. I have had heated discussions about it with people in fact. I say what ever floats your boat .... whatever works for you and your family.

As for my therapist wanting to go off without his wife, I do think there was some kidding on his part. No I don't know him other than as my therapist and the chat we have at that time but if he and his buddy want to go off after dinner and a show I see no problem. Pick up a hooker, yes a problem.

Have I made sacrifices for my kids, plenty. I have always worked off shifts to accomadate schedules, and require less day care. As the day care became impossible I went to the night shift. That wasn't so much a chore because I do like it, except for the no sleep part and hey sleep is over  rated anyway. Co-workers ask why I don't take a day job since the kids are older. That is why I don't, I think the kids probably need me more now and I want to know where they are after school and be available if needed. I think one of the biggest sacrifices has probably been my marriage. My husband and I don't see each other as much as some couples since we work opposite shifts and sometimes don't have a lot to say to each other. And yes this concerns me, what will it be like when the children are out of the house, will there still be an "us". 

I have digressed here a bit and gone from change to sacrifice. Different topics but related in my opinion. They both go hand in hand with children. I would sacrifice anything for my girls and have, I have also changed. As others have mentioned they have made me a more caring and compassionate person. I never knew I had so much capacity to love until I held them in my arms for the first time. Have I changed in any ways I am not thrilled about...probably... I have less patience sometimes and and my temper gets the best of me once in awhile but little has changed that is a core part of me. Set aside perhaps, for the time being, but still there.

But the question, have I changed because of children, yes, but now that I am 50, 51 this month in fact [did I really just admit that out loud] I refuse to let life pass me by. I am fortunate to be able to afford a few things in life and I will take advantage of that fact and hopefully the daughters and the husband will come along for the ride...... if not I'll wave as I pass on the highway and send a postcard with my love, which never changes.