Now obviously I am not having my children for dinner, and they are way to old to consider "eating my young" but sometimes I am so exasperated I have no idea what to do.
I have two daughters, one, K is almost 20 (gasp) and the other, E will be 15 in August. They are as different as two people can be. K is easy going and E is......well not. My youngest has been a challenge since birth. A lot of the challenges have been exciting, but fail to come to mind right now. She is very creative and has always been very intuitive. With this intuition has come a "worldliness" and interest in everything and not always appropriate. As much as her father and I try to direct her attention she still asks and seeks answers. I have nothing against knowledge but sometimes I don't have the answers or want to give them. What do you say when your young teen asks you what an orgasm is like. Do you tell her to "google it"? No, but so far I have avoided a few answers.
My daughter is a wonderful poet, mostly angst driven like mine, but a talent in my opinion. She can draw and is learning to play the guitar. She is smart (unfortunately doesn't apply herself enough) She is very free with her emotions, says she loves me with a hug and the next minute I am her arch enemy and the bane of her existence.
I have always been quite lax about punishment and for the most part ok with that. If something happened in public I would wait til we got home to avoid a scene. As she has gotten older I suppose I should have used a firmer hand but I have a soft heart and tend to let things go. This worked fine, for the most part, with the older daughter, but not the younger.
We moved house when E, was in 1st or 2nd grade and even though we stayed in the same town it put her in a new elementary school. I figured she would adjust..she didn't. It didn't help that the principal was useless and all my complaints of bullies etc. went on deaf ears. On to junior high, a new start? Worse, preteens are a vicious breed, especially girls. E "walks to the beat of her own drum" and at that age conformity rules. She gets along better with boys, smart girl. This was three years of torture for her socially. She did make a group of friends but it revolved from time to time. E never really fit the mold (good for her I tell her, it is what I like most about her, but a difficult concept for a 12-13 year old.)
During all this time, I had a hard time being too rash or strict with her, my heart ached for what she was going through so I tended to be easy on her. A mistake? Probably to a degree but it is what it is.
On to high school, she is a freshman this year and loving school. She has a solid group of friends, mostly boys, but is fitting in. She never wants to come home. There is a writing club, guitar lessons, GSA (Gay, Straight Alliance) and numerous other activities.
When it comes time to punish her I hate to take these things away, it has taken her so long to feel accepted and belong. This leads me to today, E texts me and tells me she has no guitar lesson. Ok, come straight home I tell her. She does but continues to text me from the bus, "can a friend come over". "No you have too much to do" I say.
"What?" she asks. "Vacuuming and bathrooms," she still owes me chores from getting her DSi (see blog from several days ago.) "I will do it when he leaves" she says. "No before" I say, and the cycle continues.
I don't know exactly how it happened but it all escalated. Her yelling, me yelling and the friend on the front lawn waiting to come in. I don't know what happened to him but I am sure the neighbors heard a good portion of the yelling. (luckily most are at work in the afternoon) One things leads to another and we are both angry and in tears. Things are calmer now, and I am sure no chores are getting done. I am just relieved for the time being. (I was just told by her that her wrist hurts and is probably dislocated, she has been right in the past and had some broken bones that I doubted, but she has had more xrays than I care to admit and will glow soon. I am waiting for DSS to show up one of these days. She really should go into acting)
Back to the guitar lessons, she did have them. The director called... blah blah about how it is the teachers livelyhood. I know this, I pay him and she is always at the lesson...sheesh. But why didn't she go? She forgot the guitar and didn't think I would bring it to her. Certainly better than skipping the lesson.
Anyway I could go on forever. Things are quiet now and "back to normal". Is there a normal?
I am just hoping she lives to be 15 and I live to be a grandmother. As a million mothers have said before me... where is the user manual for teenage girls?
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